Reading is hard

My profile on cupid says you should message me if you abhor fox news. It works on two levels; identifying guys who get all their news from idiots and those who don’t know what the word abhor means…

Hi im kevin. youxsure are very beautiful.
Message from dojiwall
55% Match

Jan 31, 2014 – 4:47pm
I watch fox news every morning. Im scottish.
Message from dojiwall
55% Match

Jan 31, 2014 – 9:17pm
then it’s a shame that I abhor fox news
Sent to dojiwall
55% Match

Jan 31, 2014 – 9:28pm
yes, I watch channel 9 too. But I will stop watching fox news from now on I promise. I read it fast I thought it said I ador. Now you stop? lol
Message from dojiwall
55% Match

Jan 31, 2014 – 9:31pm
I wish it would snow?
Message from dojiwall
55% Match

Jan 31, 2014 – 9:37pm
no its not. (: (:
Message from dojiwall
55% Match

Jan 31, 2014 – 9:58pm
I want a reprive
Message from dojiwall
55% Match

Now please stop looking at my profile


I know why you’re single

Some background: Started talking over the summer on cupid, kinda fizzled out, became facebook friends with some random likes and comments but no real conversation. Then he started looking at my profile on cupid again so I sent him a message on cupid and he suggested we meet and we started talking on facebook.  I sent him my number on facebook around midnight the night before this saturday exchange when we had tentative plans to meet sometime around 8:00 that night.

  • Saturday
  • k. i’ll text when on my way. do you want to go out someplace or just hang? i know you know **** so you know i’m not an axe murder, although i don’t know that you aren’t an axe murder

  • on your way where? we have agreed on a time or place yet…

  • 1/11, 6:50pm

    Oh I misunderstood your not wanting to come to Clifton comment

  • not really impressed with you waiting until 6:30 to contact me today

  • Why?

    did you have something special in mind?
  • no, but it’s nice to have an idea of what’s going on and that you still want to meet, especially when i gave you my number

  • gotcha. i didn’t know that would be a problem

  • really, it’s a matter of effort. don’t tell anyone, but girls like it when you make an effort and appear interested

  • i hear ya, but i don’t know you yet. i don’t overly invest in internet girls when i don’t know them yet

  • texting a woman more than a hour and a half before you’re planning on meeting or deciding on a time and place to meet really isn’t overly investing. I would think you would have some idea of what i’m like from my profile and blog

  • you’re right. i think i may have not read between the lines well enough on that.
    Yeah, so you aren’t going to make an effort because you don’t know me and I’m an ‘internet girl.’ Well now you won’t know me, ‘internet boy’

My final weekend on pof

Elvis may not have left the building but i have.  Being told someone is in love with you after a few texts is just too creepy.  Add that to the generic and vulgar messages I get on pof and it’s no longer fun, even if it provides plenty of blog material. I still get more than enough from cupid

A sampling of the final 15 messages I got this weekend:

12/8/2013 10:21:08 AM
How are you doing? So I’m guessing that you get a lot of one word messages lol
12/8/2013 10:40:35 AM
and guys who have lots of close ups of their tatoos
12/8/2013 10:42:32 AM
Oh ok lol got ya well my bad

12/8/2013 10:42:16 AM
HellO! Very Beautiful pics ! You sound fun! Would LOve to chat! :O)

12/8/2013 6:29:37 AM
Hey, Whats up? HA! Just kidding. I’m Daniel. Hope you’re having better luck on here than I am. I am usually adept at a variety of music, but have no idea who Glen Hansard is.

it’s called google, buddy

12/4/2013 6:30:00 PM
Hello how are you doing this fine night well I’m Tim let’s me and you chat if you don’t mine to sweetie
12/8/2013 1:53:38 AM
Hello how are you doing sweetie I like ur pics

12/6/2013 11:46:38 PM
Hi there how are you? My name is Eric and I live off of buttermilk pike. I’m trying to come up with something witty to say right now but I’m coming up short…. Well then, I guess I should tell you a little about me, I listen to mostly classic rock and 90s music for the most part, love John Stewart and Steven Colbert, I really like 80s movies for some reason but not so much the big hair band music lol. If you would like to talk sometime let me know

TMI, stranger

12/6/2013 9:48:56 PM

He has no idea. Starting with proper English

And from cupid:

 I don’t mean to sound rude, but with so many sexy photos you’re going to draw the horn dogs and turn off the gentlemen looking for a legit date. Not trying to put you down, you’re certainly an attractive woman. It’s just that your photos and what you say in your profile don’t line up.
14% Enemy 79% Friend 86% Match Message from FallingSlowly78

Dec 7, 2013 – 11:45pm
Interesting theory that women looking for a long term relationship shouldn’t look sexy in their pics

Dec 8, 2013 – 1:24am
That’s not what I meant at all. No woman should hide her sexuality in the name of appearance. I feel like a huge d-bag for even writing that. It came out all sorts of wrong, and the more I think about it, there’s no right way to have said it. That was just flat-out judgementalism from me, some random jerk who should have kept his mouth shut, and I apologize.
See, plenty of material

And yes, the guy who loves me even though we’ve never met or talked and barely texted, is named Elvis (or so he says)

A time to give thanks

That I’m not dumb enough to be saddled with any of these winners

  • I will watch FOX NEWS with you 🙂 my name is Tim Carter (please don’t give out your full name). I like your personality and your Profile. Your pics are beautiful. I also think women with glasses are sexier (all due respect) and more fun and real, not fake (okay…). I wear glasses. Except in my pic here (um, okay…). I would be honored to get to know you and have fun. Just text me back and I will answer just for you. Plus, you seem more my type with some of your interests (such as…). I also love old comic books and I have every Nintendo System still. Except for WII. And I have a PSP and a PS2 (always a panty dropper to list all the gaming systems you own).

    44% Enemy 52% Friend 40% Match Message from TAC48

  • An image of null
    Nov 20, 2013 – 2:34pm

    Plus, I would drive to see you, that way you do not have to drive. 😀 
  • An image of null
    Nov 22, 2013 – 3:29pm

    Do you want to meet? The site said we are a match. Do you want to give it a shot?
    hi there whats going on

    Message from hornyeric11

    Doesn’t really matter what your message says when your user name includes the word horny
    Nov 18, 2013 – 2:51am

    You look like a major cuddler 🙂
    30% Enemy 44% Friend 10% Match Message from lostmjx
    • What’s up beautiful. Wanna hang out ? Send me your number. I’m here from Cleveland until tomorrow 

      0% Enemy 78% Friend 66% Match Message from jimbob2125

    • An image of null
      Nov 17, 2013 – 11:58pm

      you’re funny
    • An image of null
      Nov 18, 2013 – 12:00am

    • An image of null
      Nov 18, 2013 – 12:14am

      you might enjoy this
    • An image of null
      Nov 18, 2013 – 12:14am

    • An image of null
      Nov 18, 2013 – 12:16am

      don’t tempt me to send you cock shots-and only one of them involves me giving a blow job
    • An image of null
      Nov 18, 2013 – 12:16am

    • An image of null
      Nov 18, 2013 – 12:18am

      that’s my response to unsolicited phone numbers
    • An image of null
      Nov 18, 2013 – 12:18am

      Ok bye
      Never did text him that cock shot
    • Send me your number so i can text you.
      20% Enemy 65% Friend 57% Match Message from Oshawn11
    • An image of null
      Nov 15, 2013 – 9:48am

      you send me your number so i can text you some cock shots
    • An image of null
      Nov 15, 2013 – 9:51am

      Geez, didn’t text him either. I’m totally off my game

This week in bad online dating messages

11/13/2013 8:49:27 AM
Hey sexy

11/9/2013 5:40:58 PM
hey how are you doing today? i just chugged a starbucks coffee lol, im a bit hyper
thanks for sharing, thanks for caring…

I’m Shawn by the way. Mechanical Engineer. I work for Honda Of America Manufacturing. I want children, and want to be married to a beautiful women that has goals, and whom is passionate and sensual.
47% Enemy 48% Friend 41% Match Message from wantU7969
If you’ve never mentioned me before, your first sentence shouldn’t include ‘by the way’ and he obviously didn’t read my profile

Him:Send me your number so i can text you
Me:you send me your number so i can text you some cock shots
been too busy to google the number

I like your profile and would like to talk sometime….maybe learn some common interests along the way.
Have a great weekend and maybe talk to you soon.
He should know if we have any common interests by reading my profile

Hello soccer513,
My name is jarrett i am new here. I read your profile and was wondering Fox news and the daily show.isnt that like watching glenn beck and bill mahr? Thought I would say hi.
Nov 12, 2013 – 10:49pm
not if you read my profile…and know what the word abhor means
yep, my response pretty much says it all

Hey there…you look great! Good girl or bad?
I’m pretty sure he hit on me under a different profile name…yet he uses the same bad opening line. Pretty sure he used it on my fake profile too

Nov 12, 2013 – 12:22pm
Hi – saw your profile and wanted to respond! It actually seemed sincere, which is hard to find on this website!
I am sure you get a TON of responses, so I won’t babble on long, but if you want to talk a REAL and HONEST guy, then let me know….check out my profile and you won’t be disappointed….
and yet he still couldn’t be bothered to mention anything we have in common

Goodbye cupid

If any of you saved this link from my cupid profile and are wondering why I quit the site, I didn’t. They suspended/terminate both my real and fake profiles. Of course they were super mature and notified me that I had broken some term of the service agreement and therefore had to cancel my account. Ok, that last part was a big lie. Of course they didn’t notify me, the site is just having ‘technical difficulties’ which, according to google, is code for having had your account terminated.

Obviously run by a man 😉

I’m sure if you’ve read the ‘comments’ left by the goat, you must be wondering how I defamed him (eight months ago, btw). So here is my absolutely scathing post about him.

show a little skin…

Oct 3, 2013 – 10:50pm
Hello how are you
Message from TimboWest1

Oct 3, 2013 – 11:12pm
Yeah, you live in Florida and it seems we have nothing in common

Oct 3, 2013 – 11:13pm
I know I live in Florida

Oct 3, 2013 – 11:14pm
Congrats, you’re brilliant


Oct 3, 2013 – 10:24pm
Damn girl….nice.
39% Enemy 39% Friend 47% Match Message from Capshead

Oct 3, 2013 – 10:25pm

Oct 3, 2013 – 10:28pm
makes me wanna get a mouthful.
Oct 3, 2013 – 11:07pm
I wanna see more

Oct 3, 2013 – 11:11pm
I bet

Oct 3, 2013 – 11:13pm
let me see more sexy.

Oct 3, 2013 – 11:14pm


Oct 3, 2013 – 6:19pm
Wow I want that
22% Enemy 64% Friend 70% Match Message from jjonfire76


Oct 3, 2013 – 5:34pm
You have delicious legs!
Message from OvPerdition


Oct 2, 2013 – 10:45pm
Okay, I was lead here by the cleavage, but out of common courtesy, I read your profile AND checked out the lost brothers on YouTube. Not too shabby (that can be applied to all aforementioned items).
17% Enemy 73% Friend 66% Match Message from matt-in-point

Oct 2, 2013 – 10:56pm
worst compliments ever

Oct 2, 2013 – 10:59pm
All meant in a joking manner. Sorry if it offended, wasn’t my intention.


Sep 9, 2013 – 8:56pm
Hitting on your fake profile on the day of a scheduled date is epic. Kudos to that one. 😉
18% Enemy 33% Friend 73% Match Message from blkshadows_
Sep 9, 2013 – 8:57pm
Oh and for the record – snake rules.
Oct 2, 2013 – 10:35pm
Feel like grabbing a beer at neons and bullshitting the night away?

Oct 6, 2013 – 10:53pm
dude, are you saying snake was the best character on degrassi? no one thought archie simpsons was the best character 🙂


Oct 1, 2013 – 11:22pm
I loved that, thank you
33% Enemy 12% Friend 45% Match Message from 46203


Sep 30, 2013 – 10:54pm
still as hot as ever.
33% Enemy 50% Friend 67% Match Message from bratpacksdad

Sep 30, 2013 – 10:56pm
you must have missed the really good pics i had up the last couple of days