Be careful what you search for


I was texting a guy from ok cupid about horrible user names that men on the site use and I was trying to remember if the one of was thinking about was analtacoprobe or analprobetaco. Ironically, I know I’ve blogged about it before but because I was too lazy to search my blog, I thought it would be a good idea to go on the site and search the word anal, thinking it would show me user names including that word, because really, how many guys could be dumb enough/childish enough/lazy enough to not come up with something that’s actually clever

Yeah, not such a great idea.

I obviously removed the profiles that were flagged for using the word analyze and all its derivations and the profiles obviously written to be crude and disgusting or to piss women off.

You’ve been warned, so please, no upset emails. If you don’t want to see the word anal, there’s the exit, leave now. This train is about to leave the station.

And away we go

28 / M / Straight / Seeing Someone
Star Trek, Lost, Anal Slut Nurses 6, Good Will Hunting
liking good will hunting adds class to the list

MakeYouShudder (promises promises)
42 / M / Straight / Single
Not asking you for anal sex.
no, not the first time

30 / M / Straight / Available
Saint Louis, Missouri
choose or how strong my anal muscles are in the long … about my incredible anal strength, and that’s all I’d say I’m *really* good at, but I’m “pretty” good at writing (in particular about my anal strength), reading (about pretty much anything, doesn’t have to be about anal strength)
actually, rereading this makes me think he’s more about receiving than giving

36 / M / Straight / Single
Asheville, North Carolina
Anal Sex.Anal sex leads to pain. … Experimentation leads to anal sex.

34 / M / Straight / Single
Chicago, Illinois
s&m, roleplaying, lead and collar, latex, leather, high heels, lingerie, nipple torture, body worship, sensory deprivation, corporal punishment, cbt, forced fem, anal play, exhibition, orgasm denial, pony play, domestic servitude, foot fetishes, facesitting, and the list goes on and on.
I bet it does. I’ll probably be sorry when I google pony play

37 / M / Bi / Seeing Someone
West Lafayette, Indiana
anal sex, bicurious, bisexuality, breasts, crossdressing, cunts, dildos, exhibitionism, fetishes, fingers, garters, hand jobs, hard cocks, heels, legs, lingerie, masturbation, nipples, oral sex, panties, phone sex, satin, stockings, strap-ons, sucking, taboos, telling secrets, threeways,

36 / M / Straight / Single
Southampton, United Kingdom
Suffice to say that I am no longer as interested in experimenting in anal sex with any partners.
said no guy ever

42 / M / Straight / Seeing Someone
Long Beach, California
more time than money, more comedy than drama, more savory than sweet, more farmer’s market than fast food, more bourbon than scotch, more oral than anal, more omnivore than herbivore, more Italy than France, more dive bar than night club, more over easy than scrambled, more GPS than map, more Simon
I wonder what is the split is on ‘more. Like 51-49 or 70-30?

28 / M / Straight / Single
Los Angeles, California
Getting women to agree to anal sex. Once I’m in, I tell them, in the heat of the moment, to thank me for fucking them in the ass. Most of the women I’ve been with become more submissive during anal.
I would bet every cent I own that this is listed in the ‘what i’m really good at section’

32 / M / Straight / Single
Ojai, California
Pot, armadillos, air, Valtrex, anal beads, and Muslims.
At least he has a wide range of interests

42 / M / Straight / Single
Chicago, Illinois
and you had better like anal sex and walking like a drunken cowboy for a week.Also message me if we are a 10% match and more than 90% ENEMY so we can have angry hate sex.If you are Amy Bougalza from Amy’s Baking Company please message me. You need anal sex right now.
Oh yeah, count me in

43 / M / Bi / Available
Sacramento, California
You either enjoy anal sex, or are interested in it but have never felt comfortable enough with a man to try it
I’m going with ‘you should message me if…’

30 / M / Straight / Single
Edison, New Jersey
oral, anal, vaginal
straight forward and to the point

29 / M / Straight / Single
Auburn, Alabama
I like Top Gun, Star Wars, The Lord of the Rings, Saving Private Ryan, The Masseusse, The Departed, Young and Anal #36 among others.

2sexy4myshirt guess who’s gonna have those creepy right said fred guys stuck in her brain all night
39 / M / Straight / Single
East Peoria, Illinois
friday night is anal night
It’s also ladies night, go figure

36 / M / Straight / Single
Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Books:- A Hand in the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting- The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women (though really, I’m much more about vaginal)- Sex For OneAlso stuff about gender, intersex, etc:- Middlesex- She’s Not There: A Life in Two Genders- Delusions of Gender- Sex at DawnMovies:Home
He’s a reader. That’s gotta count for something

33 / M / Straight / Single
Menasha, Wisconsin
I am $250 for straight anal with no fetish
Pretty sure this is an ad for male prostitution

36 / M / Straight / Single
Oroville, California
FamilyFriendsFriends with benefitsSexAnal sex (not required but if you are into it, it’s a plus)Girls who like cum

43 / M / Straight / Married
Bakersfield, California
I am looking for a lady to fulfill my oral and anal desires! My wife does not like oral or anal and she has told me to find a lady to fulfill them for me
If your wife doesn’t like EITHER of those things, then i think YOU might be the problem

43 / M / Straight / Available
Palo Alto, California
Sex, oral sex, anal sex (and helping women actually enjoy it), and helping women explore their naughtier side. … you are curious about anal sex, or have had a bad experience in the past and want to try again.
I bet he’s a teacher

32 / M / Straight / Single
Cleveland, New York
sex, pepsi, anal sex, ciggaretts, oral sex, masturbation
Damn, i’m a coke girl

35 / M / Straight / Single
Windsor Locks, Connecticut
If you are female and into anal that’s a plus
Sounds like he might be flexible on the female part

57 / M / Straight / Single
Phoenix, Arizona
I am very experienced in ALL sexual pleasures especially anal & oral sex! … Good listner but really good at oral & anal sex!
so modest

Sadly, I could have gone on forever. And I am totally adding the word analyze to my profile just to increase the number of horrid emails I get-you know it’ll work. Look for those results in an upcoming post

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