Billly Ray-Not Cyrus

Here’s a well thought out, classy email I got yesterday

48% Enemy 47% Friend 52% Match Message from billyraymilburn
yep, that was the entire email. No perfunctory ‘hey’ no ‘I like your profile, you seem interesting’. Just cuts right to the point and gives out his phone number
I’m not a country music fan. Never have been. But I did grow up in the age of Billy Ray Cyrus’ Achy Breaky Heart craze, you know, when he gave the world the gift of his mullet. Long before he was seen as forcing feeding his daughter upon the world.
Basically, when I see a profile name using ‘billyray’ I make three assumptions; that you’re a hillbilly, a douchebag and you have a mullet. None of which interests me.
And no, there was no part of me that was even slightly flattered that this guy was apparently so interested in me that he just couldn’t help but immediately give me his phone number. At least a drunk douchebag in a bar is most likely gonna come up with some cheesy pickup line before giving his number/asking for mine.
However, even if I had been slightly flattered, that feeling would have quickly evaporated upon looking at his profile

6′ 0″ (1.83m).
Body Type



Dropped out of high school



Has kids, but doesn’t want more

My self-summary
I am looking for a good woman (any woman)that like to text me anytime she want to (please god, someone with a vagina contact me)so let me know n any girll that texts here my number 1-606-386-3113 anytime plz(PLEASE GOD PLEASE. I NEED HUMAN CONTACT)
What I’m doing with my life
Nothing much looking for a good woman(probably could have stopped after saying nothing much)
The six things I could never do without
Phone woman kids(not surprising that ‘woman’ ranks after phone since having a phone is the only way he’s going to be in touch with a woman)
I’m looking for

Girls who like guys
Ages 30–39
Near me
Who are single
For new friends, long-term dating, activity partners

You should message me if
I like woman make me feel good(me talk like caveman! or I’ve suffered a head injury. Or I’m just uneducated)


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