My inbox

It’s rare for me to publish multiple posts so close together, but it’s been a busy 10 days or so on ok cupid and even though the emails don’t disappear after 30 days like on pof, I am up around 250 of the 300 email limit so I wanted to make sure some of the best are preserved just in case I ever get around to writing a book.
I did decide to spare everyone all the bullshit ‘hi’ ‘hello’ ‘hey’ emails. Here are some of my recent favorites

I should note that I’ve never responded to bullshit general, lazy messages, unless it’s to harass the moron. I expect a guy to at least put in the effort to mention something we have in common, and I do give a wide range of topics for them to choose from. I know, I’m a bitch, but a leopard can’t change its spots. On very few occasions I have given a guy that seems to have potential the opportunity to try a second time to look at my profile and find something, but generally with less than stellar results.

But first, a side rant. I understand that guys as a whole might not be the most observant bunch, but it still does amaze me that someone might look at my profile many many times before deciding to send me a message. And you’d think that after all that stalking they might manage to glean something from my profile to start a conversation about, but usually, that’s not the case. And I’m not sure if distance plays a role, but most of the really disgusting messages seem to come from guys far away. Maybe they think it’s safer to be crude and vulgar if they live far away because they don’t have to worry about running into me on the streets or….eh, what the hell do I know?

On to my inbox!
well hey there! i know im younger but damn i gotta so you are sexy for an older lady! like damn you are super sexy!!!!!!!!!!!! older guys are dumb that their is a way that your single! ha
23% Enemy 78% Friend 73% Match Message from sprt12
yes, Oh to be a 22 year old moron. And yes, I did advise him not to refer to any woman as ‘an older woman’
Hi. How are you? I like your profile. Would you like to chat a lil? You have some very sexy pics, you are so hot and cute. I’m sorry normally I would be very respectful and say you are cute but you’re a hottie. Don’t hold it against me, I couldn’t help it.
12% Enemy 78% Friend 71% Match Message from cHrIsToPh3r32
ca guy who can’t control himself? pass. and he’s also one that’s cheked my profile many times over many days.
Hey there!
I like your no bullshit attitude, and I think you’re pretty cute, soo… I thought I’d send you a message.
Let me know if you wanna chat 🙂
42% Enemy 7% Friend 32% Match Message from 513cincioh
he young and have the creepy eyes
hey theree, so if i had a nickel for everytime i saw someone as beautiful as you, i’d have five cents (: haha. I’m done being lame though, i’m lou, what’s up?
35% Enemy 69% Friend 54% Match Message from Its_Lou
that’s not lame ha ha, it’s just lame lame
I am Cliff. I am 38, and in the area on busniess just about every week. Since I spend so much time here, I figured that my time is better spent finding people to hang out with here rather than in Atlanta (where my actual home address is). To that end, I am looking for someone to grab drinks with, relax, laugh, and see if there is a spark. If so, that is awesome.
I am educated, intelligent, and (I think) fun to talk to. If you are interested in getting together maybe tonight, let’s discuss and connect.
10% Enemy 66% Friend 68% Match Message from CliffM74
rarely do I get such a long message when a guy wants a one night stand
yoga and boxing huh lol
26% Enemy 57% Friend 69% Match Message from andrew0156

May 13, 2013 – 1:51am
Good attempt. Almost an actual sentence

May 13, 2013 – 2:03am
No need for the attitude haha I just thought it was two different extremes and kind of funny

May 13, 2013 – 7:54am
Amazing how lol doesn’t convey that you think my preferred methods of working out are diametrically opposed Sent from the OkCupid app

May 13, 2013 – 9:11am
I like it though 🙂
another young one that has no idea how to talk to a woman. I guess he’s still at that age where he just waits until a girl is drunk enough that it doesn’t matter what he says or how he says it
You’re gettin pretty good at taking pics…
22% Enemy 41% Friend 77% Match Message from 100gr
at least it’s a new way of commenting on my pictures, but it does also make it sound like he’s been stalking my profile…and he’s a gross biker
How r u doin tonight beautiful
28% Enemy 64% Friend 65% Match Message from cloud79040506
that’s all you got?
May 6, 2013 – 9:44am
Hello, how are you doing?
22% Enemy 43% Friend 62% Match Message from wideglide99tdd

May 12, 2013 – 11:16pm
Hello how are you doing Hun?
yeah, I didn’t respond the first time, not gonna reply to a second generic message. And ‘wideglide?’ Ewwwwww

Hello, i’m very forward and honest and would love to play a game of beer pong 1v1 with bets with you.
Ex, every cup i make you have to give me a kiss.
21% Enemy 46% Friend 70% Match Message from BrianRitz

May 6, 2013 – 1:33am
A 24 yr old virgin who hits on women by talking about beer pong? I love it. I bet you’d be fun to sext with

May 6, 2013 – 1:42am
Maybe, as long as it does not only stay sexting.
I’ve always been the shay and quiet guy and looking to push my boundaries a little (or a lot with the right woman).

May 6, 2013 – 1:45am
I thought u were going to stay a virgin until marriage?

May 6, 2013 – 1:48am
well to me sexting mostly implies sexual and kinky things and i will do those.

May 6, 2013 – 1:52am
But u said as long as it doesn’t stay only sexting. Has that beer pong line actually ever worked?

May 6, 2013 – 1:54am
i know as long as it does not only stay sexting which is talking on here about sexual and kinky things.
So i DO want to do sexual and kinky things….. just not actual sex.
And yes.

May 8, 2013 – 1:20am
was hoping to hear back from you.

May 8, 2013 – 7:25am
yeah, i don’t sext on this actual site and i don’t think we’ll get to the point of exchanging numbers. sorry

May 8, 2013 – 2:38pm
well then we can just meet each other for a little fun.

May 11, 2013 – 9:24pm
I was hoping to hear back from you.
Ah yes, the 24 virgin who loves beer pong and thinks he has a chance with me

May 8, 2013 – 12:53pm
I like the new pic
22% Enemy 38% Friend 61% Match Message from ohiospeedemon

May 10, 2013 – 4:27pm
Hi how are you today I am Michael

May 10, 2013 – 5:57pm
I didn’t mean to bother you I liked what you said in your profile and your so beautiful I just had to try to talk to you

May 10, 2013 – 6:07pm
Just wanted to be the one who gets you to smile and make you happy

May 11, 2013 – 5:08pm
You won’t even talk to me? 😦 awww
dude, have some self respect. I was too creeped out by his pic to even click on his profile, so I don’t think I can be accused of ‘encouraging’ him

May 11, 2013 – 3:28pm
hi mugs I mike
Message from theromer12

May 11, 2013 – 3:55pm
just curious, why would you waste time sending a message to someone who is a 0% match, 3% friend and 96% enemy?

May 11, 2013 – 4:05pm
Why you the site

May 11, 2013 – 4:06pm
Just to meet people that. Ok
no one can spell this poorly, I’m operating under the theory he’s suffered a head injury

May 11, 2013 – 2:53pm
I just want to eat u out.. That’s all
Message from mudbuddy77

May 11, 2013 – 3:16pm
so many reasons why you’d never get the chance

May 11, 2013 – 3:38pm
Lol. Glad to see someone is alive on this site
points for being up front and not giving me some bullshit line about my eyes, but minus one trillion points for being gross and vulgar and an additional negative one million points for not being man enough to post a pic of yourself
hi mugs how are you? I enjoyed reading your summary. You tell it like it is I like that. I would like to get to know you if you are interested and I won’t leave my number lol.
40% Enemy 59% Friend 49% Match Message from Bryontron
Why don’t you tell me why it’s worth my time to get to know you? you looked at my profile. Be a man, put in some effort

May 10, 2013 – 11:51pm
may I get to know you
29% Enemy 68% Friend 70% Match Message from killall69
no, not only based on that odd message, but also because your user name is killall69. Congrats on managing to incorporate both sex and violence

May 9, 2013 – 9:37pm
Hey ?!!!….
30% Enemy 47% Friend 61% Match Message from Raymundorich
This is the exception to my policy on not burdening you with generic messages. While there is only one word in the message he also manages to incorporate question marks, exclamation points and the … thing. Kudos to you, you english scholar

May 9, 2013 – 8:03am
hello how are you doing I know we are far away from each other but you are the only one that has gotten my att
11% Enemy 76% Friend 70% Match Message from apt77
call me skeptical

May 7, 2013 – 2:34pm
The black boots are super hot! Lol
17% Enemy 51% Friend 77% Match Message from SSBowtie

May 7, 2013 – 2:56pm
c’mon, you can do better than that

May 7, 2013 – 2:58pm
Nah, that is all I have! Lol Never know what to say anymore….I got called a pig the other day and I was teasing about a Q&A response…I sware, some people are just lame…:-)

May 7, 2013 – 3:05pm
yeah, usually better to stick to common interests a woman mentions in her profile for the first few messages. see i would have assumed you were gay cause you appeared more interested in my boots than my legs

May 7, 2013 – 3:07pm
Wow!!! NO I am not gay!! Lol Your legs are nice too, they go hand in hand…Nice panty shot too bad girl!

May 7, 2013 – 3:23pm
it helps weed out the creeps

May 7, 2013 – 3:24pm
What does?? And I am not a creep…freak maybe, creep no…lol

An image of null
May 7, 2013 – 3:39pm
the photos. ass and legs photos tell me who can’t be bothered to look at my profile and mention anything else we have in common 🙂

May 7, 2013 – 3:45pm
I looked at your profile, I got you beat on places you want to visit…been to Aussi twice, you like sports, I dont, except UFC, played Ice Hockey but for fun, cuz I suck. You added Rick Springfields only songs numbers…men always mention walking dead and some douche Ive never heard of…But I liked your boots, and legs…:-) So Nah…Tests are gay and you would be totally wrong about me…
May 8, 2013 – 4:46pm
Wow, I see you are doing more tests? But really, they are not tests, its called wanting attention and compliments…but I see where compliments get you on this dumbass site full of flakes…

May 8, 2013 – 5:06pm
if that’s the case, then you fell for it. if you don’t like it, don’t click on it. and i’ve actually started conversations with a few guys who managed to mention things we have in common without being prompted. maybe that’s some helpful advice you can use in the future

May 8, 2013 – 5:10pm
Young bitch I dont need your fucking advice, I have problem forgotten more than your dumb, teasing ass knows…I have no problems getting women off this site, and most put out before even getting to know you…And we don’t have much in common, so go talk to your little douche bags. I just said sexy boots, and the cun comes out….as a matter of fact I will be spending the whole weekend with someone, so don’t flatter yourself, you are definately not all that…
one of my faves! See, not everyone loves me 🙂

May 8, 2013 – 1:32pm
How are you doing? I”m stopping by to say hi and show some love. I’m not going to say your beautiful because you know you are and I’m sure you hear it enough. I”m not blind though either. I’d love to get to know you better and if not for nothing at the very least become great friends for many years to come. Would you like to chat over coffee, lunch or doing something active. Let me know. Stay safe and sexy
41% Enemy 52% Friend 18% Match Message from Jestar_taco

May 8, 2013 – 1:34pm
hard to have lunch when you’re in florida and i’m in ohio

May 8, 2013 – 1:38pm
lol Your very right. But you never know. All the same I’d love to get to know you better. Althugh I havent much time today as I’ve gotten off work and I’m going home to relax a bit before I do anything else. Whats new with you? I’m getting by busting my ass working as much as I can so that by the first week of July I can enjoy my birthday for real. lol
Wow, he was willing to write a long first message but couldn’t bother to add one thing we have in common…and he lives in florida

May 8, 2013 – 12:34pm
hi I’m Paul, please check out my profile and see if I interest you, I think you are truly a really gorgeous woman, and I’d love to get to know more about you. I live in Kentucky, but distance isn’t a factor for me, I don’t mind traveling for the right girl.
29% Enemy 53% Friend 53% Match Message from Cantfindlove72
I wish guys would stop telling me to check out their profiles. Guess what? If I send the first message it’s because I saw your profile and I actually mention what we have in common, so man up and tell me why I should waste my time on you

Ok, that’s more than enough for now. That’s picking and choosing from three pages of the my most recent emails. sadly I have a total of 246 emails (8 pages) going back to when I joined in December, although I do admit they have recently increased due to me adding pictures and learning that any time I add or change my profile it automatically generates 20-200 views, depending on what I say, the ‘kind’ of picture I add and the time of day I make the change. I swear, I have it down to a science…yes, it’s sad


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