How NOT to get a second date

Just a refresher. This is about the guy from my post ‘Huh?’ The one who with in 24 hours of starting a conversation with me had entered into a relationship. That should have been red flag number one. Red flag number two? When our fb conversation grounded to a halt. Why? I asked him a question about his hobbies and he never answered. I assumed he had moved onto another relationship, I mean we’ve already established that he likes to move quick. Turns out he just didn’t really have anything to say.

Red flag number three didn’t occur until actually meeting him.

On a first date you probably shouldn’t ask the other person if they’ve ever been married or engaged, it’s just a weird topic to bring up with someone you barely know. And you definitely shouldn’t ask if your answer to that question is that you’ve been pre-engaged twice and engaged once. Even worse, he was so confusing that I still don’t know if these happened with two or three different women. And who over the age of 17 gets pre-engaged? Honestly, it was the only laugh I had the entire night. I immediately thought back to red flag number one and knew he was a fast mover.

Blame it on the al al al alcohol-So he matched my initial drink order of a rum and coke with one of his own and a green beer. Didn’t your mother tell you not mix beer and liquor? and he had one or two more beers after that. Now that’s his excuse for all the touching that happened later.

So it wasn’t the best first date in history, but I was actually going to give him a second chance in an alcohol free environment, despite red flag number four-text messages that he was thinking about me. (We’ll see in a minute why I now find that funny)

But now we get to the meat of the post in terms of how to make sure a woman doesn’t want to go out on a second date. Guys, if a woman tells you she passionate about something-ANYTHING, a tv show, a sport, a musician you do NOT proceed to bash it, even if you really hate it or think it’s the stupidest thing ever.

In my case it happens to be a musician named glen hansard and i’m especially excited since I have tickets to see him again live next month. So this genius had never heard of him-not a crime-and I sent him some youtube links. Now I wasn’t expecting to get a message that he thought this guy was the greatest musician in history, but this is not the way to say you dislike his music

(these are the emails I cut and pasted from earlier today)
-So Im listening to this low rising song.. and makes me think of Pants on Ground.. pants on the ground.. walkin’ like a fool with your pants on the ground.. its definetly a low rising

The gift – is he talking about his penis.. – this gift aint never gonna let you down.

High hope song – was pitchy – hey it was live on the radio.. not the best setup. OK.. we got thru them –

Can I listen to my Alice in chains MTV unplugged cd now? Different strokes for different folks.

-wow, your chances of a second date are going way down and there’s no way you’re getting the other ticket to his concert next month. and really, i was in such a good mood after working out and a bubble bath and smelling like cinnamon

-You need to be more open minded.. I have hundreds of bands on my iPod and thousands of songs. Do you like my favorite band Iron Maiden? Own every cd of theirs like I do? Probably not.. it doesn’t matter if someone doesn’t dig your favorite band (or movie).. My favorite movie is 300. Who cares that’s superficial..

-i think it was your poor attempt at humor in putting down the music that is annoying me and you called all irish music whiny before you even listened to it. glad i have a date coming up with someone who already likes his music and likes the same tv shows i do

-You should date people that are not exactly like you. You cannot say the Cranberries are not whiny or U2 whining about not finding what he’s looking for. You take stuff way too seriously. Cranberries are the whiniest band in the world. There are only a few mainstream Irish bands anyways.. Sorry I don’t have more examples.. Most of the music is Celtic.
Alice in chains is super whiney.. damn. Sorry I’m on a anti-whiny kick today.. Maybe I should go listen to some REM Shiny Happy People.. J
I don’t watch a lot of tv – besides occasional American Idol. I’m more into Internet news / current events. Regular TV is basically shit anyways and I don’t have cable on purpose. Just high-speed internet.
(three individual emails sent within a few minutes of each other)

-and you aren’t getting that it’s the way you chose to say you didn’t like the music is what i have a problem with.

-OK – I never said: I liked or did not like it. .. It doesn’t matter if I like it or not. My opinion is squat anyways. I didn’t really get what he’s gift was.. love, happiness – its not a pop song and takes some thought to figure it out.. Kinda like why I don’t watch thriller movies. I never figure out that the hero is really the bad guy. Oh well, I’m starting to get the feeling you are very simple person who just likes three things in: life: glen, that sundance movie, and that TV show I forgot already.
(really? pretty odd things to say if he did like the music. and if you don’t like things that make you think, I doubt we’re gonna get along. And then call me simple. yeah, there’s no coming back from that. If he knew how to have a conversation he probably could have found out a bit more about me)

-yeah, probably a good idea to get to know someone better before you get so handsy and at least you learned some things about me, all i know about you is that you move way too fast and have a history of jumping the gun-multiple engagements, pre-engagements, assuming you’re in a relationship before even meeting someone. and fyi, your profile is still up on pof, which is probably a good thing
(yes, during the date I learned that when he stopped talking to me because he ‘found’ someone, he had never actually met her. and unsurprisingly, two other women from the site that he has met ended up not wanting to go out with him again. And he told me repeatedly that he had taken down his profile, and I repeatedly told him it was still up)

-Sorry I had 2 green beers and a rum&coke. Sorry if I came on too strong – must have been the booze. Sorry, I didn’t click with you and you didn’t enjoy the attention. Think they call that harassment if she don’t like it.

-yep, blame the alcohol, which i’m pretty sure i told you was a bad idea at the time. silly me, i was going to give you a second chance to see if you actually had a personality

-I actually don’t have a personality which is why after our date I had more fun .. see pic I just sent.. notice shirt is the same


-good for you. just proves my instincts were right. did you get engaged to any of them yet?

And that’s the last communication I plan on having with him. I couldn’t care less that he went out after I escaped him, I’m pretty sure I told him both before we ever met and even that night that going out on a date with someone is not the same as being in a relationship. I believe I was trying to reinforce my point about him moving too fast. The fact though that he would send it to me to try and what? make me mad? prove he really isn’t that into me? prove he’s a douchebag? that tells me the kind of guy he is. Or maybe he just had to prove he could get someone to kiss him since all his touching did nothing for me. But I would like an answer to my question of if he’s gotten engaged to any of them yet. Seems like a fair question given his track record

and in case he’s wondering; here are the texts i sent out that night

To one friend-during the date (yes, J, this is what i was texting when you ‘caught’ me)

What’s up?

Pub at rookwood. Handsy Date

Oh boy

And to another friend after i got home
Omg, date with boring and super handsy guy

Handsy but boring? Interesting combo, lol

More interested than touching than talking-probably because he had nothing to say. And my
head hurts cause I had to keep drinking to make it thru the night

Lol, was he at least good looking?

Not enough for the amount of touching he did. There is so much to say that this is a
story best told in person, especially since I’m tipsy and no one will come to my house to
hear it!

Lol, love it!!!

Just in case I forget, let me list the ways I was touched tonight: his hand on top of
mine, fingers intertwined, hand on the small of my back, hand around waist, hand on shoulder, hand in hair down to my neck, kiss on cheek, hug (twice), and worst of all he actually put his head on my shoulder. a bit too much after having known someone less than two hours
And the thumb rub

I guess the real question is how many dates was i from getting engaged. I’m guessing 2-3

Another bullet dodged!


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3 thoughts on “How NOT to get a second date

  1. mugs11 March 30, 2013 at 1:56 PM Reply

    Just when I thought he had moved on…yet another message

    did you go back to work yet? I’m looking at getting this house.. 411 Stanley next to Starbucks in Columbia Tusculum.. can you check it out and let me know what you think?

    he thinks i’m going to encourage him to move closer to me?

  2. mugs11 March 20, 2013 at 4:05 PM Reply

    We should still meet for date #2 – after:

    · you grow up and be open to new people views and ideas

    · I move to HydePark and stop being on the rebound

    I see potential in you.


    Wow, what does that say about me that a crazy person sees potential in me? please don’t stalk me, please don’t stalk me, please don’t stalk me

  3. mugs11 March 19, 2013 at 10:19 PM Reply

    As my friend abby would say, he’s an asshat!

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